AVW Newstime Comedy: Peaceful protest disrupted by Board of Trustees

Four Ohio University students were mistakenly arrested in the chaos that ensued after a peaceful protest in Walter Hall was disrupted by people claiming to be the OU Board of Trustees. The student activists were shocked when a group of elderly people entered the room and began babbling loudly, banging wooden gavels and inexplicably demanding an increase of student tuition.OUPD chief Andrew Powers suggested that these “trustees” might in fact have been senile retirees who got lost during a tour of the campus.“That’s the only explanation I can see,” said Chief Powers. “Anyone demanding that kind of increased burden on students in a building on campus is totally bat-shit insane.”Amid the confusion, OUPD officers arrested the four students, but soon realized their mistake. Instead of releasing the students, however, the police pretended to charge the protesters for the benefit of the tragically misguided trustees. Said Jim McGlinn of the Athens Police Department, “Have you ever pulled over and checked your engine because you elderly grandfather heard a clunking, said that you found the problem, and convinced him that the clunking went away? We’re banking on that here.”Mayor Paul Wiehl and the Athens Municipal Court have also agreed to play along with the ruse, putting the four students (now played by local theater actors rather than the actual protestors) through a mock trial.Meanwhile, the university and the City of Athens have reached an agreement, allowing the deranged “trustees” to wander about as they wish. So far, the trustees have not caused too much trouble besides constantly begging students for money and asking if the banners of protestors are actually giant checks. One elderly man who claims to be someone named Roderick McDavis has frequently demanded a “raise,” which thus far has been paid by the university in the form of chocolate coins.When asked about the incident in Walter Hall, McDavis said, “It is my hope that we can accomplish these discussions in a manner that supports Ohio’s commitment to respect and civility. Now I must find my submarine, because the Banana Republic is aflame!”McDavis has also appropriated the Park Place Retirement Home next to the Study Abroad Center as his President’s Mansion. The trustees have agreed, but only on the condition that they be allowed to buy him a much bigger and better house in the future.The only group more confused than the poor seniors is the group of protestors. “I guess I expected someone to walk in with compassion for students spending insane amounts of money and the ability to affect meaningful change,” said Megan Marzac, “but at least I’ll live with not being arrested for protesting an awful, boring Board of Trustees meeting.”