AVW Newstime Comedy: McDavis’ title ‘King of Sloth’ challenged by Southall

Ohio University President Roderick McDavis hosted an emergency meeting today with Graduate Student Senate to discuss their vote of no confidence in President Southall's abilities nearly three weeks ago. McDavis called the meeting after waking up from a three-month nap, working hard for his reputation as the “King of Sloth.” An anonymous source hints that, “There's a battle of wills going on; who will come out behind?” 

When asked what he might do in response, McDavis cryptically replied “Nothing,” reassuring the student body that he will continue his campaign of ignoring the needs of his constituents.

In addition, McDavis said that he “sees the vote of no confidence as a shot across the bow” and issued an open challenge to Southall: “You. Me. Beanbag chairs. Jeopardy marathon.”

McDavis reportedly just caught wind of Southall's tweet from nearly two months ago, when Southall alienated a record 100 percent of females on campus. Said McDavis, “I've been working on losing support from the student body since 2011, and Southall lost support of more than half the student body with one tweet? I have to step down my game.” 

Students on campus have split opinions as to who the true ignoramus is, many citing McDavis' ability to ignore the student body in times of discord. Others explain Southall's claim to fame with his astounding ability to nod silently for minutes at a time in the face of adversity. With the argument heated on both sides, it's not clear who will be named “King of Sloth.”

However, McDavis is quick to claim victory, having been overheard saying, “Just look at the events on Court Street from this past month. You think Southall can match my level of ignorance? Pah! He's a rookie.”

This article was written by Zac Oberg. Follow Newstime on Twitter: @AVWNewstime