AVW Newstime Comedy: Roderick McDavis anticipates grave being covered by parking lot

In the wake of the British government’s discovery of the body of King Richard III under a parking lot, Roderick McDavis is slowly resigning himself to the idea that his grave, too, will“I know I’m unpopular,” McDavis remarked to a friend, “I understand what has gone on here with tuition raises and stuff. I’m totally going to be found under a parking lot.”While McDavis does not anticipate dying for another 50-70 years due to his high level of income, the Ohio University President is still worried about where his legacy could place his gravesite. Sources close to the OU leader confirmed that, while he initially acted as if the whole Richard III incident was hilarious at the beginning of a night of debauchery (joking that no cars under $35,000 could park on his grave,) McDavis slowly sank into a depression with more and more drinks.“I mean, what did Richard III do?  Steal the throne from a teenage kid to further his absolute power?” McDavis asked.  When this fact was confirmed, McDavis whistled and said, “Boy, that sounds a little too familiar.”Plagued with a growing concern that this might indeed be the case, McDavis pulled up the CNN article and began comparing himself to Richard III while imbibing heavily.“His usurpation threw English politics, painstakingly restored to some order in the 12 years before his crime, into a turmoil from which it did not fully recover for another two decades,” McDavis read aloud from the article, “Jesus Christ, OU will be lucky to stay in business for that long.”Sources say that McDavis silently sipped a Samuel Adams while clicking through pictures of Richard’s tiny grave, the vacant lot, and the “sad-looking” unearthed skeleton.“I mean, come on!” McDavis exclaimed, “What does a guy have to do to not be buried under a parking lot? Not make money off of the dreams of bright young adults? Not hike tuition because he can? That’s not the America I want to live in! Why must I sit here, sad and alone, while the happy students out there prepare for fest season? Oh, my kingdom for a horse-cop.”As of press time, McDavis was comforting himself with the notion that, perhaps in the next fifty years, flying cars would prevent the need for parking lots at all.This article was written by Taylor Reinhart. Follow Newstime on Twitter: @AVWNewstime