AVW Newstime Comedy: Freshmen Student Realizing That Roommate Is An A**hole

Newstime is currently receiving reports that the living situation of Jeffrey Simmons and Matthew Thompson is rapidly deteriorating despite encouraging early concessions indicating a possible friendship.  Sources have privately questioned Simmons’ feelings in particular, citing Thompson’s newfound acoustic guitar hobby and fondness for his snooze button as reasoning for a change in Simmons’ outlook.“I talked to Jeff yesterday,” said freshmen sociology major Ellen Hunter. “He was really pissed.  It was the first time I had ever heard him say a bad thing about Matt.  They’re always at parties together and stuff.”Hunter’s concerns were echoed by many other friends, all of whom attested that the two were generally “cool guys” that seemed like they would get along fine.  The pair’s double in Washington Hall had to this point been a gathering place for Simmons’ friend group, which was in the process of accepting Thompson.Random roommates at the beginning of the year, Thompson and Simmons both led riotous public lives, receiving an alcohol citation within the first week of school.  Their rock star status was elevated when they added a black light and marijuana poster to their room.The first signs of tension came when Simmons’ proposal to un-bunk the beds was met with an indifferent lack of enthusiasm and follow through by Thompson.  Thompson, according to friends of Simmons, intimated to Simmons that he would “ask Mark [The Resident Assistant] in the morning,” but spent the next week forgetting to do so.  Thompson’s bottom-bunk, said friends, led them to wonder if he planned on un-bunking the beds at all.“He keeps talking about how spacious the room is when we are all in there.” Said Grant Hart, a self-described dining hall companion of the two roommates.Simmons and Thompson are both scheduled to talk with Athens publications tomorrow.  Analysts expect both to reaffirm their commitment to passive aggression as a strategy for overt conflict avoidance, at least until either Simmons or Thompson vomit in the room.