Being a better bystander: Preventing sexual violence with the five Ds
Editor’s Note: This story is part of a collaboration with Ohio State University’s The Lantern. Student Perceptions of Sexual Violence On Campus, a look at the state of sexual violence prevalence, education and reporting on our respective campuses.
When you think of the term bystander, someone standing by and watching a situation unfold may come to mind. By remaining silent during an assault, we allow it to escalate further than it should and cause more harm to the victim than has already been done. The inaction of nearby individuals associated with an assault is commonly referred to as the bystander effect.
“The bystander effect is when a person observes someone in need of help and does not provide help,” a post by StopTheHurt read. “Many bystanders believe that someone else will speak up causing them to not act on the behaviors they witness.”
Choosing not to address the situation can send a message to an abuser that their actions are acceptable, even if it is not our intention. Silence equals violence, or, in the case of the bystander effect, silence equals acceptance. Acceptance of and disregard for sexual assault proliferates the situation and encourages abusers, according to the FAWCO article “Learning to Be a Better Bystander”. However, if we all take the time to be active bystanders by helping those in distress as an assault is occurring, we can work to change this narrative.
Identifying harassment is the first step in becoming a better bystander. When we know what to look for if situations seem off-putting, we can better assess what actions we may need to take to better the situation.
“It can be nonverbal - staring to intimidate, following, stalking, inappropriate gestures,” Gabriela Meija, a training and communications associate with Hollaback said in an NPR episode of Life Kit. “It could be verbal, which can be inappropriate comments about your appearance or hateful comments about your identity. The third category is that it can be physical - grabbing someone, pushing them, touching them. A description that we like to share is that it is behavior that is unwanted and unwelcomed.”
It is important to understand the five D’s of being an active bystander from the Life Kit episode, in case you are ever in a situation that requires action.
The first D is to distract, whether that is going up to the person being assaulted and asking them a question or spilling a drink on the harasser. The point is to make the person being harassed less of a target.
The second D is delegate. This would be asking for help from someone around you or from an authority figure. This higher authority does not have to be a member of law enforcement, who can sometimes make the person being assaulted feel even less safe. A professor, parent, counselor, or even the bus driver are all good options.
The third D is to document. Recording a video, taking photos, or even writing notes are all ways you can document an assault situation. It is important to note the date, time, and place of the assault for future reference.
The fourth D is to debrief or delay. Check in with the person who was harassed after and make sure they are okay. It is also important to ask what you can do to make them feel safer but be gentle and let them know the assault was not their fault. This is one of the most important options and should be done regardless of whether or not you choose a different reaction.
The last D is to direct, which can be the hardest thing to do because it involves confronting the assailant directly. Sometimes the attacker does not realize that what they are doing is wrong so by bringing awareness you can prevent the situation from escalating further.
Knowing what D is best to use in the moment can be overwhelming and confusing, but as long as you choose one and act on it you can help to minimize a situation. At the end of the day, you should never put yourself in harm’s way and should delegate an authority figure to help in violent situations. To be a better bystander means focusing on the needs of the victim and supporting them, not just trying to be a hero.
“A lot of the time it is easy to make it about yourself or use your own personal experiences and that is important to make a good judgment, but it is also important to understand where they’re coming from and really do what they need,” Evelyn Potter, a sophomore at Ohio University studying BioChem on the pre-med track said. “Every situation is different, and it is important to listen to the needs of the person involved, and to make sure you are not just trying to make yourself feel bigger.”
It can be difficult getting involved, especially when the person being harassed is close to you. In speaking up, we may be getting more people involved in a situation than the victim is comfortable with. It is important to respect the boundaries of the person who was assaulted, while also making sure they get the support they need to heal.
“It’s important for the person to feel heard and that what is happening to them is not their fault,” Potter said. “That they did nothing wrong, that they are strong and that they can overcome the situation.
Preventing harassment is not just one person’s responsibility. It takes a collective effort to ensure that we all do what is right and put an end to the bystander effect. It is not complicated, if you see something, say something. In being an active bystander, you may just save someone’s life.
